Thursday, March 10, 2011

Power - over, under and with

Right outside my office window is a bird feeder. I enjoy watching the little sparrows and finches come and peck away at the seeds. Several times lately though I have watched larger birds come and bossily push the little birds out of the way.
This has made me reflect on the 'power' issue of people. How the Dictator/Authoritative (Carpman Triangle) will work to go 'power over', while the Victim will go 'power under'. I work to maintain 'power with' and teach this to students and then to clients when the issue comes up.
One of the reasons I was attracted to the Yuen Method over a year ago and have studied and used it since is because of how Dr. Yuen explains about moving things to 'neutral' which to me works in the same concept of my 'power with'.
If we are needing superiority we need to have someone in inferiority. The see-saw of power is either up or down. When we have power with, we have an ease and the see-saw is just equal. Remember getting on a see-saw when we were young. One person gets on and holds the see-saw in neutral position until the other person gets on then one pushes up and one pushes down. You work with cooperation so you get the wonder and fun of going up and down, you are working together, you have 'power with' you have 'neutral' because if someone dominates the game doesn't work. If someone does not want to push up to send the other person down the see saw does not work.
In the see-saw if one person walks away, without helping the other person get off by holding the see saw in neutral again the person drops to the ground with a bang. Here the position would be the dictator of letting go, so the other person crashes into the ground (this results in a jarring - I know its happened to me) and its not fun or nice. It is a game of cooperation.
Today I do not think they have see-saws in play grounds, so children do not get the opportunity to learn the power of 'power with'.  Too bad, as it is those lessons which go with us and give us thought years later when dealing with people.
Perhaps you can consider your life and look to see who or what has 'power over' you and where you give your power up so you are 'power under' and mostly, where do you exhibit 'power with.' To do this you will need to let go of your need to protect, be on top, and most of all to be vunerable.
Lately in my 'clearing' sessions I have been dealing with people who have been afraid of being 'vunerable'. To me your ego is your defensive mechanism and defends those aspects of ourselves who do not want to be 'wrong' 'embarrassed' 'judged' and in particular 'vunerable'.  Its interesting when those are cleared and you are strong in your inner core of acceptance of yourself how you can move to power with.
You have a great day

Norma Cowie 250 490 0654 Email:

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