Lately I seem to be hearing the word ego again. People discussing other people or even their own selves will say “It’s mine/their ego”. Yet if you ask them to explain what ego is they really don’t know. They assume it is the ‘enemy’. Therefore, I thought it was time to give my perspective on the ‘ego’ subject. My students hear it, but now it is time to write about it.
First, several years ago I created the model that what we call ego is really our ‘defensive mechanism’. Our personal program to keep whatever we feel is vulnerable about safe. The ego therefore will do anything and everything to keep us safe. It will defend through behavior and attitude to ensure we don’t look stupid, less than, or more than, or anything else which the program created (usually when we are very small) senses there is danger to the self or our self image.
Therefore, the ego is not the enemy it is an aspect of self, which can be disassembled and transformed into new supportive energy. What I have discovered is that it is not always just one program, but a series of personal programs linked together to protect. Once you begin to transform these personal programs, you begin to be more open, hear others better, be not so defensive in situations and in affect become accessible to people around you in a whole different way.
My suggestion is take an inner look next time you feel defensive and note how you defend yourself. Some people just do it inwardly, their inner dialogue will make the other person wrong and themselves right. Sometimes though it will be a behavior which will get triggered. I know I used to have a habit when something came ‘to close to home’ I would shut down and emotionally disappear. I would hardly hear what was being said and I would change the subject. This resulted in me not being able to access my feelings on what has been said, nor the person speaking with me feeling heard. As I transformed my ego, the defensive mechanism if I do find myself having some criticism coming my way and I feel ‘threatened in some way’ I just breathe and inwardly reassure myself I’m loved and listen. Often I have found that the criticism has validity which I needed to know about. Mostly I have found though, as the personal programs were transformed. I did not have those experiences. Remember if you have a program which has a job to defend you, it must create the situation in order for it to defend. Once the program has a new job, then the situations do not need to arise. My book Connecting to the Light, lays out a process to transform programs and change their jobs.
These personal programs can many and can be very subtle and it is only by creating an observer of yourself that you can step outside and notice how the defending program (ego) is actually working. This happens when you enter self growth and begin to become aware, and it continues to happen as you peel off the layers of defensive attitudes, as the personal programs get disassembled and transformed. Therefore, I suggest you begin to embrace your ego’s as they have served you todate. They have done the job you have given them, and they are good workers for you and when you transform them and give them new jobs they will work just as effectively.
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